Issues
by Fairady
Summary: Kaiba has some issues. [Kaiba x Jounouchi]


Disclaimer: I don't own Yugi-oh or it's characters. I just really, really want to take Kaiba out and mess his mind up some more. And maybe give Jounouchi the upper hand for once. 

Warning: Yaoi, twistedness. Don't like? Then don't read it. Press the back button and find something else that's more to you're tastes.

Notes: squints-the hell? Don't know where this came from but oh well. I like it anyway.

Issues  
by fairady

* * *

Kaiba Seto has major issues.

That's gotta be one of the most understated sentences in the whole history of mankind. I snicker and circle the words in dark ink. The teacher glances briefly at me but seems satisfied that I must be takin notes or something, and goes back to lecturing us on some of the issues some dead writer gave to his characters.

Hate to admit it but I kinda like her. She doesn't give me much of a hassle in class and hasn't written me off as a failure like oh so many of my other teachers have. I think most of 'em looked over their roster and automatically put 'Fail' next to Jounouchi. Ah, screw them all. They can't hold me back anyway. Not unless they want to deal with me next year, without my friends to keep me distracted. Gods, I'd love to see the heart attacks that'd give 'em.

But like I said, I like this teacher so I do try to pay attention during her class. I just can't help it. My mind automatically equates the word 'issues' with Kaiba. I mean, the freaky rich boy would be any psych doc's wet dream come true.

Well, if they ever got around the issue of him not being human first.

Come on, what other fifteen year old boy in this world can own a corporation that, in the few years he's run it, just about has a monopoly on the entire gaming industry? Yes I know that word and can even spell it. I'm not nearly as dumb as most people seem to think I am. Dumb mutt my ass.

Kaiba's an asshole too. Just in case you didn't know that.

It's funny how many people are surprised by that tidbit of information. They seem to think that the CEO of one of the largest and most ruthless gaming corporations must be some kinda saint or somethin. Right on up till he bites their heads off. I think he likes shattering those illusions. He's also a sadist.

The only time I've ever seen anything remotely 'normal' in him is around Mokuba. I've seen him go from calm-and-cold-bitch to clucking-mother-hen in five seconds flat for the kid. Scared the freakin shit outta me first time I saw it. I've always wanted to take pictures of that, you know just to have proof that the guy really is human. Never really got around to it though.

Sure if I tried he'd sue me for it anyway. He really would. Don't believe me? This is the guy that once tried to sue me for 'emotional distress and trauma' due to 'public indecency.' Loosely translated that means my shirt got wet so I took it off and put a clean one on. Not joking, seriously not joking about that.

Doesn't matter anyway, he can't really sue me anymore. The courts have long since set up a policy to automatically shred any cases titled Kaiba vs. Jounouchi. No, I'm not joking about that either. Freak really did try to sue me all those times he said he was.

Damn near had a heart attack the day I went to traffic court to pay for a ticket and ended up getting escorted into a back room. Turns out all the people that worked there just wanted to meet the infamous Jounouchi of Kaiba's irritation. According to them he's up to one suit a day on me at a minimum. I guess that's on the days schools out and we don't somehow run into each other.

Kinda gives you the warm fuzzies knowing you're irritating the freak even when you're not around doesn't it?

It irritated the hell outta me to find that out at first, but it got me outta the ticket that day. One of the bailiffs even sent me a framed copy of one of them. It's marked as number 300 and all the court staff had signed it. Kinda freaky but I still hung it on my bedroom wall. Gotta be proud of something right?

Right.

So far we have an inhuman sadistic asshole with huge freaking anger issues, and I'm not done yet.

You see that framed law suit was filed during summer break and was filed on behalf of the city itself for, what was it again? Ah, 'destruction and defamation of public property' under some gods awful long section number.

Anzu had to look it up for me and said it basically boiled down to littering.

Forgetting that the freak was trying to get me on littering, when his own damn company was spilling toxic waste into the ocean, that really threw me for a loop or three. Summer was when I spent most of my time with Shizuka. Damn well know I was no where near any place Kaiba might've been.

Took me a bit, but I eventually remembered the day. I'd taken Shizuka out to some forest reserve for the day. She loved finding all the wild flowers and weeds. Could've sworn no one else was around, and I damn well know Kaiba hadn't been. Think I would've noticed the damn coat. Anyway, we had some freakin granola bars to eat for lunch. Her idea not mine. Afterwards I'd just tossed the wrappers to the side, like everyone else had done before us. Didn't even really think about it.

So how the hell did Kaiba know about that?

Simple really. The freak was stalking me.

Went back to the court house not too long ago and had myself a nice long look at all those lawsuits. Hey, it's public record anyone can look at it as long as they fill the right paper work out, but my notoriety helped me out again that day. Didn't have to sign a damn thing, they just showed me to a room and dumped off a bunch of boxes filled with files.

It's all freaking bullshit.

It's like he analysis everything I ever do just to try to find some way he can exploit it into a lawsuit. He tried to get me with breaking and entering with a side order of disturbing the peace when I climbed into my apartment through one of the windows. I forgot my key that day, everyone does that.

Well, I do it a lot more than most others apparently. I've got twenty cases filed against me for the same damn thing.

I spent a whole freaking day in that stuffy room going through it all. I left with a few photocopies, a few dozen paper cuts, and the knowledge that not only was Kaiba an ass he was an ass with huge sex issues.

Yeah, you heard that right.

I may be a pervert but I really have nothing over Kaiba. The freak has my entire apartment bugged. Well maybe not the whole place, but he definitely has some sorta camera set up in my freaking shower. That's the only explanation I've been able to come up with that makes sense for one of the copied cases I took home.

It was one of the older lawsuits and I almost skipped past it but the word 'sex' just leapt out at me. What can I say, I'm a guy and those things just catch our attention. This case was for 'lewd, sexual conduct' and it had another long ass number with it but I didn't need Anzu to translate it for me. I could get the gist of it just fine, it wasn't written in very vague terms.

It was down right detailed.

He was trying to sue me for jerking off. That's when I realized he'd bugged my freakin apartment. I jerk off just about everyday, but only in the shower. It's just too messy to do anywhere else. And, like I said, it was detailed so the freak wasn't just taking a shot in the dark with it.

Gods, he's a freak.

At least this case wasn't one that was repeated. He probably hadn't even intended to get this one filed at all, just wrote it out of-what? Frustration? Of course it'd be a busy day at work and it mistakenly gets put in the wrong folder and gets filed anyway. Good thing the court staff had stopped reading the damn things by that time.

So he's now a sadistic asshole with huge anger issues caused by even huger sexual issues that both seem to revolve around me.

At least I don't see him stalking anyone else he likes to get into fights with.

Doesn't take a genius to figure out about the anger issues. He loves getting into fights with me, and just generally pissing me off. I tend to get up close and personal when I'm mad. Didn't really realize exactly how close and physical I always get with Kaiba before.

Like this morning. I was close enough to his face to tell what he had for breakfast. One hand fisted in his shirt, fingers of the other against his throat as I did my damnedest not to throttle him. Yeah, I was really pissed but he should've know better than to say shit about Shizuka.

Freak just smirked and tried to goad me further. Let me change my assessment to sadomasochist.

I mean nothing can get me going like insults to my sister, and he above everyone else should know that. He's got the same thing with Mokuba. Now I'm looking at a week long row of detentions along with a two page note of apology. At least Kaiba-boy has a pretty nice looking shiner for it.

And he keeps poking at it. He's definitely more than a bit masochistic.

Hm, I keep getting side tracked, it's not really my fault though. Just thinking about Kaiba is enough to derail my thought process. I was talking about how his anger issues relate to his sex issues.

Frustration and repression sound about right for someone?

Yeah, I found a whole new way too get the rich bastard riled the hell up without me getting smacked into detentions. It took me a week, but I've figured out where that damn camera is in my shower. Please, I'm not that stupid. Now if I put on a good enough show in my shower Kaiba'll come into school spiting mad the next day and looking for any excuse to fight.

I think it's kinda funny.

It's so easy to do. Go into the shower and soap myself up slowly. Let my hands wander leisurely down my body. Gasp and arch sharply as I pump into my own fist with my eyes closed, obviously imagining someone else being in there with me. Throw my head back and bite down hard on my hand to keep the scream in as I come.

First time I did it Kaiba found me before class and laid it in real heavy on me. Damn near pulled out all the stops, and I'd tried my damnedest to keep my temper too. We both nearly got expelled. Freak spent the whole day at his worst with me. I gave back as good as I got but it was a frickin miracle I didn't bust out laughing. Especially when I noticed that, when no one else was looking, Kaiba'd stare at my hand and the faintly red teeth mark.

Course it's not that easy anymore. Even though I don't do it all the time, I don't like spending so much time in detention, he eventually gets used to it. Then I have to up the ante a bit.

Bring myself to the very edge before forcing my hand away groaning loudly in disappointment. Lean against the wall with my legs spread as I use light touches to tease myself erect. And the best from last night. Run my fingers through the mess left behind and lick them clean.

Too bad I had to come in late today, I really didn't want to leave my warm blankets. I'm sure Kaiba was waiting for me at the school entrance, properly hidden to make it seem like he wasn't waiting for me. Oh well, just gives me a chance to do something else later.

Kaiba doesn't have laser beams that shoot outta his eyes but it damn well feels like it. I cap my pen and twirl it idly before sticking it in my mouth to suck on. In the corner of my eye I can see him shift. If looks could kill...well, I'd either be very dead or very screwed in so many senses of the word.

Heh, it isn't even lunch yet.

So yeah, Kaiba's a freaky asshole with major issues. Shakespeare really has nothing on him.

* * *

Yeah, pot meet kettle.


End file.
